You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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