He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
