oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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