my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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