my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
