Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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