Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I look better un-naked...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just blew my weed a kiss
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
