Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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