FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
