Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
