we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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