At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
