Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
