I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
