I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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