I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
