I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
