Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize