They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
