I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
