She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
