we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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