Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
