also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
