Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
