Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize