i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
