She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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