bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
