i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
