I cannot find my penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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