Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
