thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
