you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
