She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
