so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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