2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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