i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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