Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
