Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found the puke drawer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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