oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
