i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
