Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
COCAINE IS GR8
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
