woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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