Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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