Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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