Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
