she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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