Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
