1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
