Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
