I look better un-naked...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
