the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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