so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
