Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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