____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
