There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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