You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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