i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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