you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize