Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
