I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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