I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
