i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
