i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
