the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
