it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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