All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
