I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
