I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
