the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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