Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
