the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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