it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
