Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
