I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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